My name is Jenifer, and I'm a chocoholic.
Good granny! Today is terrible for me - I am so ravenously hungry for chocolate, it is almost scary! My Cadbury egg is gone, and I don't dare open that box with the chocolate cross in it because I'll probably eat the whole thing (it's big, too). I made trail mix last night with peanuts, roasted almonds, cheerios and semi-sweet chocolate chips, so that's sitting on the counter taunting me every time I walk by. I had to put chocolate syrup in my coffee at lunch, then I went back for chocolate milk with a dollop of chocolate ice cream - a mock milkshake. Whew! I wish this desk was made out of chocolate - I'd tear it up like a pride of lions on an antelope! Oooo...I've gotta think of something else! (Must be that time again...)
Gabriella gave me a heck of a time this afternoon. I try to avoid cleaning out her nose at all costs...because it is literally hell. But I'd let the boogie situation go on long enough. After her lunch, I took her to her room to change her diaper. As I was finishing up, I noticed that her nose had some company. It was bad. They were poking out of her nose, waving at me, chatting with each other, hanging window treatments, bungee jumping - it was a three ring circus and I couldn't take it anymore. I tried wiping them away with a clean wipee, but to no avail. So I dug out the boogie bulb and some Q-tips - this sent Gabby into a full out frenzied conniption. She knew what was coming. The screaming started. I had to hold her down and try to dig the little monsters out, which is not an easy thing to do with a 24-lb. toddler kicking, pushing, flipping, screaming, and crying at you. You would have thought I was in there beating her with a wooden spoon. It was horrible! I ran over and closed her door so that she wouldn't wake Aiden from his nap, and then tried to finish the job. Somehow, I managed to get both her arms in my left hand while I held her torso and legs down with my right elbow, steadied her head with my left elbow, and ambushed the remaining boogie with my right hand. (At this point, I'm still not sure where the first one went.) Meanwhile, she's turning beat red from screaming and is on the verge of hyperventilating. Thankfully, I got the job done. I sat her up and tried to calm her down. Instead, she stood up and stomped her feet, which bent the particle board on the changing table (the piece that she lays on), and sent that crashing down after I whisked her off of it. Holy crazy toddler, Batman!!!
Needless to say, nobody got hurt and Gabby passed out as soon as I laid her down for her nap. All I could think of to say to her was, "Was that really necessary?" Now I feel like a child abuser, and I'm sure she pretty much hates me right now. I guess we'll see when she wakes up from her nap. And through all of that, Aiden was still sound asleep...*sigh*...
Motherhood...a free pass to the insane asylum.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
It hath sprung...
Can it possibly be...spring??? Oh, ladies and gentlemen, I think it has finally arrived! Yay! Today, I have seen hoards of geese - flying in by the dozens. Sometimes by the 2 dozens! So they are definitely back, and in greater numbers than they were last year. I can remember being outside when I was little and hearing their melodious honks echoing in the crisp, fall air. It would be a treat to see that unmistakable 'V' in the sky, heading south to warmer weather. Now...they are everywhere! They are beautiful and fun to watch, don't get me wrong, but they can be a nuisance if their population is not controlled. We get more and more every year on our pond. As I type, they are out there on the beaver dam, beaver hut, pond banks, red brush, you name it, fighting each other for exclusive nesting rights. They are quite a sight - they stretch out their necks so that they are parallel to the ground. Then they lift their wings up (like they're going to take off) and run at each other, hissing and squawking. Sometimes it does turn into a full-out brawl; there's beating and biting and name-calling, I would imagine. But most of it is for show and intimidation. It's good stuff!
I also saw 3 great blues (herons) setting up shop in the nests from last year. Well, actually, the nests have been there in the trees since we moved in, and who knows how long before that. Herons usually come back to the same breeding spot every year and reuse their nests. Last year, some of them got pretty well destroyed from a bad wind storm that we had. Some nests got repaired and others weren't worth the effort, so a few new ones popped up here and there. You know good weather is on the way when you see the GBHs. They don't care much for cold and ice.
We always get an oddball species of bird on the pond every year, too. The first spring/summer we were here, we had a bald eagle. He/She found a mate and had eaglets, and even now they come and go. The second year, we had a tundra swan (no joke), and last year, we had an egret. The swan stayed about a month; the egret was here all summer. It was so cool and interesting. Who would have ever thought that pond would welcome so many different birds and animals? We really do see the neatest things. We've been watching a mink who has made an old woodchuck den into its home. Everynight she (we think, anyway) makes trip after trip to the neighbors' pond for frogs and mudpuppies (salamanders) and runs them back to her den. She's a good little hunter. She better not kill off too many of them - we love the sound of the frogs at night in the summer. It can be almost deafening on those still nights.
We are actually going to cut back a lot of the red brush this spring so that we have better access to the pond for fishing, bird watching, and hunting. We'd even talked about putting in a small dock. That would be a great spot for a couple of Adirondack chairs, a little table with a radio, and a cooler of beverages. Mmmmm....I cannot wait!!! Summer, here I come!!!
Gabriella certainly loves watching the wildlife in our backyard. She is always looking for the geese ("Geese on pond!") and is learning bird distinction. She knows the difference between blue jays, cardinals, and doves now. I can't wait until the ducks start coming back. We get at least 5 different species, so that will be fun to teach her. Her little mind absorbs everything like a sponge. She amazes me. Every day is something new, whether she learns a new game, says a new word, "performs" a new song and dance, or "says" a new animal sound. She is at least calling Aiden "Dee-den" or "brother" now, instead of "baby," so we are making progress there. Still lapsing on the potty training. She does so good some days, and then there are days like today where she wants absolutely nothing to do with it. That's ok. She 19 months old - she is doing phenomenal for her age! I got her some "big girl panties" and they are sitting on top of her dresser next to her changing table (which she is almost too long for). She sees them all the time and I've told her what they are. She doesn't want to wear them yet, but one of these days, I know she will. Hopefully by summer she'll be in them.
Aiden is growing fast! 5 months old and still smiling and laughing - I swear he is the happiest baby I've ever known! He is down to 4 feedings per day now, which is easier for me. We don't buy formula as much, and he doesn't act like he is ravenously hungry every 2-1/2 or 3 hours. He eats 9oz in the a.m., followed by 5oz and cereal at lunch, 5oz and a veggie or fruit at dinner, and then 9oz at bedtime (usually between 7:30-8:30pm). He sleeps until 5:30-7:00am. Making good progress there! He is skipping his morning catnap, and opting to stay up until after lunch. Then he takes a 2-3 hour nap; same as Gabby. He is doing good at sitting up on his own - still a little wobbly, but he does good. He reaches out and grabs everything - loves toys! He found his feet last month, so he is still doing the "I'm gonna grab my feet and hang on for dear life while Mom tries to put my pants on." He loves his jumper (we call it the bouncy swing) and happily goes in it while I get dinner ready. Usually, Gabby comes over and spins him in it ("Wheeee!"); but he loves it and she's so gentle with him, so I just quietly supervise. We think he said "Hi!" a couple of times, but I think most babies spit that word out now and then while they are babbling. His hair has turned from reddish to strawberry blonde - it is hard to say what color he'll end up with. I hope red! I think redheads are adorable!!
Charlie is doing great. Just got done building a prototype for GE Transportation. It is a new cab for a train engine that is going to Egypt. No word yet on how many more GE will order, but they will be very busy soon. That hasn't stopped Charlie from looking elsewhere for another job. The company he works for has basically told him that he has come to a dead end as far as promotions and raises go. Doesn't surprise me after they dropped our Blue Cross insurance and gave us a crappy alternative, cut out holiday bonuses, and jipped Charlie out of 2 weeks vacation for '07. And it's not just him that the company is doing this to. There are a lot of hardworking guys there with families who deserve much better then what that place is offering. Yup, it's time to start looking elsewhere. Other than that, he is doing great and makes me so proud to be his wife. He truly is my best friend, my heart and soul (next to the kids, of course!).
I'm doing better after my last post. I've had a lot of time to think about it, and I realized that the butthead insurance guy's comments are not the only thing that set me off. The past couple of years have been a personal struggle for me. I've had a lot of emotional battles to overcome, and it's not easy to do it practically on your own. I have a great support system, but I'm missing something spiritually. That's where I'm on my own. Thanks to a new friend and inspiration, Les (our pastor), I think I might be getting the guidance that I've been seeking all along. We'll see. As far as the physical aspect goes, I did continue to lose another 4 inches overall (legs, arms, waist, bust, ribcage, hips combined) after my last spout-off, so that is good. I haven't done much this week because I've been told to take it easy. I went to the chiropractor last week to get my lower back and hips adjusted. They were pretty well out of whack. I went right back to doing my routines over the course of the week - nothing healed up. I went back again this past Monday and he did another adjustment. I feel better today, but I'm going to wait it out and start over again with my exercises next week. He did say I could walk, so maybe I'll head out tonight since it is too damp yet for the kids to be out there.
Whew...this is a long post!!! I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought I did. Take care, all you fellow readers.
I also saw 3 great blues (herons) setting up shop in the nests from last year. Well, actually, the nests have been there in the trees since we moved in, and who knows how long before that. Herons usually come back to the same breeding spot every year and reuse their nests. Last year, some of them got pretty well destroyed from a bad wind storm that we had. Some nests got repaired and others weren't worth the effort, so a few new ones popped up here and there. You know good weather is on the way when you see the GBHs. They don't care much for cold and ice.
We always get an oddball species of bird on the pond every year, too. The first spring/summer we were here, we had a bald eagle. He/She found a mate and had eaglets, and even now they come and go. The second year, we had a tundra swan (no joke), and last year, we had an egret. The swan stayed about a month; the egret was here all summer. It was so cool and interesting. Who would have ever thought that pond would welcome so many different birds and animals? We really do see the neatest things. We've been watching a mink who has made an old woodchuck den into its home. Everynight she (we think, anyway) makes trip after trip to the neighbors' pond for frogs and mudpuppies (salamanders) and runs them back to her den. She's a good little hunter. She better not kill off too many of them - we love the sound of the frogs at night in the summer. It can be almost deafening on those still nights.
We are actually going to cut back a lot of the red brush this spring so that we have better access to the pond for fishing, bird watching, and hunting. We'd even talked about putting in a small dock. That would be a great spot for a couple of Adirondack chairs, a little table with a radio, and a cooler of beverages. Mmmmm....I cannot wait!!! Summer, here I come!!!
Gabriella certainly loves watching the wildlife in our backyard. She is always looking for the geese ("Geese on pond!") and is learning bird distinction. She knows the difference between blue jays, cardinals, and doves now. I can't wait until the ducks start coming back. We get at least 5 different species, so that will be fun to teach her. Her little mind absorbs everything like a sponge. She amazes me. Every day is something new, whether she learns a new game, says a new word, "performs" a new song and dance, or "says" a new animal sound. She is at least calling Aiden "Dee-den" or "brother" now, instead of "baby," so we are making progress there. Still lapsing on the potty training. She does so good some days, and then there are days like today where she wants absolutely nothing to do with it. That's ok. She 19 months old - she is doing phenomenal for her age! I got her some "big girl panties" and they are sitting on top of her dresser next to her changing table (which she is almost too long for). She sees them all the time and I've told her what they are. She doesn't want to wear them yet, but one of these days, I know she will. Hopefully by summer she'll be in them.
Aiden is growing fast! 5 months old and still smiling and laughing - I swear he is the happiest baby I've ever known! He is down to 4 feedings per day now, which is easier for me. We don't buy formula as much, and he doesn't act like he is ravenously hungry every 2-1/2 or 3 hours. He eats 9oz in the a.m., followed by 5oz and cereal at lunch, 5oz and a veggie or fruit at dinner, and then 9oz at bedtime (usually between 7:30-8:30pm). He sleeps until 5:30-7:00am. Making good progress there! He is skipping his morning catnap, and opting to stay up until after lunch. Then he takes a 2-3 hour nap; same as Gabby. He is doing good at sitting up on his own - still a little wobbly, but he does good. He reaches out and grabs everything - loves toys! He found his feet last month, so he is still doing the "I'm gonna grab my feet and hang on for dear life while Mom tries to put my pants on." He loves his jumper (we call it the bouncy swing) and happily goes in it while I get dinner ready. Usually, Gabby comes over and spins him in it ("Wheeee!"); but he loves it and she's so gentle with him, so I just quietly supervise. We think he said "Hi!" a couple of times, but I think most babies spit that word out now and then while they are babbling. His hair has turned from reddish to strawberry blonde - it is hard to say what color he'll end up with. I hope red! I think redheads are adorable!!
Charlie is doing great. Just got done building a prototype for GE Transportation. It is a new cab for a train engine that is going to Egypt. No word yet on how many more GE will order, but they will be very busy soon. That hasn't stopped Charlie from looking elsewhere for another job. The company he works for has basically told him that he has come to a dead end as far as promotions and raises go. Doesn't surprise me after they dropped our Blue Cross insurance and gave us a crappy alternative, cut out holiday bonuses, and jipped Charlie out of 2 weeks vacation for '07. And it's not just him that the company is doing this to. There are a lot of hardworking guys there with families who deserve much better then what that place is offering. Yup, it's time to start looking elsewhere. Other than that, he is doing great and makes me so proud to be his wife. He truly is my best friend, my heart and soul (next to the kids, of course!).
I'm doing better after my last post. I've had a lot of time to think about it, and I realized that the butthead insurance guy's comments are not the only thing that set me off. The past couple of years have been a personal struggle for me. I've had a lot of emotional battles to overcome, and it's not easy to do it practically on your own. I have a great support system, but I'm missing something spiritually. That's where I'm on my own. Thanks to a new friend and inspiration, Les (our pastor), I think I might be getting the guidance that I've been seeking all along. We'll see. As far as the physical aspect goes, I did continue to lose another 4 inches overall (legs, arms, waist, bust, ribcage, hips combined) after my last spout-off, so that is good. I haven't done much this week because I've been told to take it easy. I went to the chiropractor last week to get my lower back and hips adjusted. They were pretty well out of whack. I went right back to doing my routines over the course of the week - nothing healed up. I went back again this past Monday and he did another adjustment. I feel better today, but I'm going to wait it out and start over again with my exercises next week. He did say I could walk, so maybe I'll head out tonight since it is too damp yet for the kids to be out there.
Whew...this is a long post!!! I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought I did. Take care, all you fellow readers.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Name change?
I've been contemplating a name change for my blog. A few ideas:
"So this is my hell..."
"So this is my struggle..."
"So why bother?"
How easily discouraged I get. It doesn't take much - it never has. I don't like to be consumed by a problem. Honestly, it does nothing but drag me down, make me feel like crap, and have a poor affect on those around me. But it is hard to stay positive, especially when we're talking about something that could mean life or death for me...and that is the sickening, harsh reality of it all.
About a month ago, we received in the mail some information about a health care plan. Seeing as we can't stand the new insurance that Charlie's company has forced upon them, and the fact that Charlie is looking elsewhere for work, we thought it would be in our best interest to explore other options. The rep for the insurance company came to our house last night to discuss the plans and benefits. We get about 3/4 of the way through the presentation, and it gets laid out on the table. He asked if we have any specific health problems that would inhibit our chances of getting this insurance (ie. diabetes, cancer, epilepsy, etc.). We said no, but mentioned that I have hypothyroidism and high blood pressure. Then he says, "Now, how can I put this gently?" (At this point, I already know what's coming.) "Jenifer, you're obviously still carrying around baby weight. Think back to a few years ago, before you started having kids. That will be the weight we'll write you down for, because I don't want to see you get rejected for health care over how much you weigh."
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Ok, I understand that I'm heavy and that that's how the ball bounces in the health care court. Those are the facts, I'm well aware. But what no one has ever understood is that when people "call my weight to my attention," all I see is a look of disgust on their faces and hear the haughtiness in their voices. It's like, "Good God, look at you! What's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal and thin and in shape like other women? You're disgusting." That's what I hear, ok? That's what my brain processes. I won't get past this for DAYS. And when it came time to confess my poundage, I found myself panicking. I could feel my whole body flushing with embarassment and shame. I was looking for ways to stall the oncoming question, a way out, something. All the guilt and shame and disgust that I've so proudly pushed aside in my endeavor to better myself came rushing back in one single moment. My childhood came flooding back in a torrent. The kids at school were back, calling me names and laughing and pointing fingers and mooing. People who I know and love and look up to were there again, asking me, "When are you going to lose weight like your mother? Don't you want to look like her and your sister?" In one foul swoop, my dignity and perserverance were taken away. It was heartwrenching, to say the least.
Charlie did and said all he could to boost my confidence last night. It didn't work. I even got up early, fed Aiden, and did my exercises. Still not feeling it. The whole time I did the routine, I kept thinking, "What am I doing? Why bother? Do I think people will like me better if I lose weight? Will my family love me more if I become 5 sizes smaller?" It's times like this when I seriously consider bulemia, starvation, or other drastic measures. Maybe that's what will work for me. What else is there? Everyday, I'm afraid to eat. The thing is, I don't eat that much, and I have made so many changes to make sure I'm eating healthier. I've mastered portion control and cut out high fat, high sugar, high carb, high sodium foods. Charlie refuses to consent to me having gastric bypass. I don't know that I necessarily need that. Plus (no pun intended), I don't know if I can go through another surgery or hospital stay knowing how it affects Gabriella.
People who have never experienced these feelings, or haven't experienced them to the capacity that I have, can very easily say, "Chin up! Don't give up now. Just brush it off and keep doing what you're doing. You can do this!" They will wholeheartedly believe that their pep talks and positive outlook will help me change my perspective. It won't. Know why? Because it has to come from me. And if I don't believe in myself, it is never going to happen for me. This is why I have failed so miserably, so many times before. I'm afraid of myself - I know me too well. I knew better than to bank on this life change. I told Charlie that I was afraid I was going to let me down. At least I'm living up to that expectation, huh?
I don't really know what more to say except that it's not easy. I didn't ask to be this way. I didn't want to get to this point. Crying out for help has never gotten me anywhere, maybe because I refused to do so. Living like this on a day to day basis really just sucks, ok? It SUCKS!!! I hate it. I hate being me somedays. I don't hate being a mom to two beautiful, wonderful children. I don't hate being a wife to an incredible, amazing husband. I don't hate being a sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, aunt, in-law, or friend to anyone. I just hate being stuck in this cocoon that I've woven over the years. I keep hoping that, one day, that pretty little butterfly will pop out of that crysallis and take everyone by storm. I'm doing all I can to get to that point, but it's hard knowing that your best isn't good enough. I don't know that it will ever be.
"So this is my hell..."
"So this is my struggle..."
"So why bother?"
How easily discouraged I get. It doesn't take much - it never has. I don't like to be consumed by a problem. Honestly, it does nothing but drag me down, make me feel like crap, and have a poor affect on those around me. But it is hard to stay positive, especially when we're talking about something that could mean life or death for me...and that is the sickening, harsh reality of it all.
About a month ago, we received in the mail some information about a health care plan. Seeing as we can't stand the new insurance that Charlie's company has forced upon them, and the fact that Charlie is looking elsewhere for work, we thought it would be in our best interest to explore other options. The rep for the insurance company came to our house last night to discuss the plans and benefits. We get about 3/4 of the way through the presentation, and it gets laid out on the table. He asked if we have any specific health problems that would inhibit our chances of getting this insurance (ie. diabetes, cancer, epilepsy, etc.). We said no, but mentioned that I have hypothyroidism and high blood pressure. Then he says, "Now, how can I put this gently?" (At this point, I already know what's coming.) "Jenifer, you're obviously still carrying around baby weight. Think back to a few years ago, before you started having kids. That will be the weight we'll write you down for, because I don't want to see you get rejected for health care over how much you weigh."
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Ok, I understand that I'm heavy and that that's how the ball bounces in the health care court. Those are the facts, I'm well aware. But what no one has ever understood is that when people "call my weight to my attention," all I see is a look of disgust on their faces and hear the haughtiness in their voices. It's like, "Good God, look at you! What's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal and thin and in shape like other women? You're disgusting." That's what I hear, ok? That's what my brain processes. I won't get past this for DAYS. And when it came time to confess my poundage, I found myself panicking. I could feel my whole body flushing with embarassment and shame. I was looking for ways to stall the oncoming question, a way out, something. All the guilt and shame and disgust that I've so proudly pushed aside in my endeavor to better myself came rushing back in one single moment. My childhood came flooding back in a torrent. The kids at school were back, calling me names and laughing and pointing fingers and mooing. People who I know and love and look up to were there again, asking me, "When are you going to lose weight like your mother? Don't you want to look like her and your sister?" In one foul swoop, my dignity and perserverance were taken away. It was heartwrenching, to say the least.
Charlie did and said all he could to boost my confidence last night. It didn't work. I even got up early, fed Aiden, and did my exercises. Still not feeling it. The whole time I did the routine, I kept thinking, "What am I doing? Why bother? Do I think people will like me better if I lose weight? Will my family love me more if I become 5 sizes smaller?" It's times like this when I seriously consider bulemia, starvation, or other drastic measures. Maybe that's what will work for me. What else is there? Everyday, I'm afraid to eat. The thing is, I don't eat that much, and I have made so many changes to make sure I'm eating healthier. I've mastered portion control and cut out high fat, high sugar, high carb, high sodium foods. Charlie refuses to consent to me having gastric bypass. I don't know that I necessarily need that. Plus (no pun intended), I don't know if I can go through another surgery or hospital stay knowing how it affects Gabriella.
People who have never experienced these feelings, or haven't experienced them to the capacity that I have, can very easily say, "Chin up! Don't give up now. Just brush it off and keep doing what you're doing. You can do this!" They will wholeheartedly believe that their pep talks and positive outlook will help me change my perspective. It won't. Know why? Because it has to come from me. And if I don't believe in myself, it is never going to happen for me. This is why I have failed so miserably, so many times before. I'm afraid of myself - I know me too well. I knew better than to bank on this life change. I told Charlie that I was afraid I was going to let me down. At least I'm living up to that expectation, huh?
I don't really know what more to say except that it's not easy. I didn't ask to be this way. I didn't want to get to this point. Crying out for help has never gotten me anywhere, maybe because I refused to do so. Living like this on a day to day basis really just sucks, ok? It SUCKS!!! I hate it. I hate being me somedays. I don't hate being a mom to two beautiful, wonderful children. I don't hate being a wife to an incredible, amazing husband. I don't hate being a sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, aunt, in-law, or friend to anyone. I just hate being stuck in this cocoon that I've woven over the years. I keep hoping that, one day, that pretty little butterfly will pop out of that crysallis and take everyone by storm. I'm doing all I can to get to that point, but it's hard knowing that your best isn't good enough. I don't know that it will ever be.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Slow week...or is it?
Ok, so this post is a polar opposite to my last post as far as the whole weight issue goes. For those of you who don't know, I've had it up to my neck (which is in shape) with being a porker. Last week, I was so frustrated. I've been making sure I exercise at least 3 times a week (usually, I do 5 days per week), for at least a half an hour. Then, I take measurements at the end of the week. From February 21-27, I lost 12.5 inches overall!! I was psyched. Then, on the 6th of March I measured again - I lost 2 inches overall. Hence, the main subject matter of the post titled "Fargin' bored..." I just took my measurements about 5 minutes ago - totally pysched again!! 6 inches lost overall, with the most significant being in my ribcage (3 inches lost). I also went back to the doctor on Monday - I lost a pound since my last weight check which was only four days prior (Thursday). Not bad - if I could keep up that pace at the very least, I'd be happy.
I wish the loss was more obvious to people. No one has commented, except for Charlie, who says he feels a difference when he hugs me. I know he's not just saying that to boost my confidence. Thankfully, Charlie is completely honest about everything and doesn't say things to save face, or because it's what he thinks someone does or doesn't want to hear. Going back to my last post, I think if I got some different clothes, maybe that would help. Maybe not - I don't know. NOW - that doesn't mean if I see any of you in the next week or so that I want you to say, "Oh my GOSH, you've lost weight!!" You're not allowed to say anything along those lines until you truly see a significant difference!!
It is hard. Somedays I look in the mirror and go, "Ugh...I don't look any different then I did when I started this whole thing. Why bother?" Then, other days I catch a glimpse of myself and say, "Hey...I don't look so bad..." I go up and down, and I'm trying hard as heck to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. I just keep trucking, hoping that my efforts will yield some desireable results. I want to be around for a while, especially for my kids. I've been making a lot of changes and keeping my health in check, which just recently included a clotting panel and cholesterol check (both bloodwork - results pending). In the meantime, my blood pressure has made a dramatic turn since having Aiden. 132/70 and 122/80 last couple of times I had it checked - and that was without any bp meds for almost a week. The latter was a tad high (bottom #), but not outrageous. I'm back on the meds just to be on the safe side. Pretty favorable experiment, though.
Tuesday I skipped my workout and opted to install some carpet on the landing at the top of our basement stairs. I was up and down those stairs at least 2 dozen times looking for tools, edging, nails, duct tape (don't ask), the tape measure, you name it!! I was sweating by the time I was done and my calves were begging for mercy, so I'd say that counts as a workout. And the landing looks pretty nice, if I do say so myself. Not perfect, but it serves its purpose.
The vacuum cleaner parts arrived in the mail yesterday. Charlie fixed the vacuum for me last night. So far, so good. But I have to say, I'm going to miss the shop vac. (Don't worry, Chris - I used the hose & attachments for the sake of my back!) It's on standby, just in case.
Ok, all my fellow bloggers - I have a young lady who has just dumped a bucket of crayons on the floor. I should help her clean them up before she gets the idea that the hardwood needs a wax job of sorts. Love to you all!
By the way, has this group of politicians running for president not been the biggest bunch of goobers you've ever seen? I don't know if I, as an American, can honestly feel confident in my vote this election year. If you ask me, our future looks bleak and hopeless. It's hard to envision any improvements heading our way no matter who takes on the big title. It's people like these presidential candidates and Eliot Spitzer who make my stomach turn.
I wish the loss was more obvious to people. No one has commented, except for Charlie, who says he feels a difference when he hugs me. I know he's not just saying that to boost my confidence. Thankfully, Charlie is completely honest about everything and doesn't say things to save face, or because it's what he thinks someone does or doesn't want to hear. Going back to my last post, I think if I got some different clothes, maybe that would help. Maybe not - I don't know. NOW - that doesn't mean if I see any of you in the next week or so that I want you to say, "Oh my GOSH, you've lost weight!!" You're not allowed to say anything along those lines until you truly see a significant difference!!
It is hard. Somedays I look in the mirror and go, "Ugh...I don't look any different then I did when I started this whole thing. Why bother?" Then, other days I catch a glimpse of myself and say, "Hey...I don't look so bad..." I go up and down, and I'm trying hard as heck to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. I just keep trucking, hoping that my efforts will yield some desireable results. I want to be around for a while, especially for my kids. I've been making a lot of changes and keeping my health in check, which just recently included a clotting panel and cholesterol check (both bloodwork - results pending). In the meantime, my blood pressure has made a dramatic turn since having Aiden. 132/70 and 122/80 last couple of times I had it checked - and that was without any bp meds for almost a week. The latter was a tad high (bottom #), but not outrageous. I'm back on the meds just to be on the safe side. Pretty favorable experiment, though.
Tuesday I skipped my workout and opted to install some carpet on the landing at the top of our basement stairs. I was up and down those stairs at least 2 dozen times looking for tools, edging, nails, duct tape (don't ask), the tape measure, you name it!! I was sweating by the time I was done and my calves were begging for mercy, so I'd say that counts as a workout. And the landing looks pretty nice, if I do say so myself. Not perfect, but it serves its purpose.
The vacuum cleaner parts arrived in the mail yesterday. Charlie fixed the vacuum for me last night. So far, so good. But I have to say, I'm going to miss the shop vac. (Don't worry, Chris - I used the hose & attachments for the sake of my back!) It's on standby, just in case.
Ok, all my fellow bloggers - I have a young lady who has just dumped a bucket of crayons on the floor. I should help her clean them up before she gets the idea that the hardwood needs a wax job of sorts. Love to you all!
By the way, has this group of politicians running for president not been the biggest bunch of goobers you've ever seen? I don't know if I, as an American, can honestly feel confident in my vote this election year. If you ask me, our future looks bleak and hopeless. It's hard to envision any improvements heading our way no matter who takes on the big title. It's people like these presidential candidates and Eliot Spitzer who make my stomach turn.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Fargin' bored...
Ugh...just a blah day. I haven't been out of the house since Thursday for a gyno appt...like you all really needed to know that. I don't care. That's life. We all have to do it, us womens. Anyway, the short trip to Sugar Grove and back just didn't cut it for me. I was going to go grocery shopping last night, but the round of freezing rain put a halt to that. Then, I was going to try today...again, thanks, freezing rain...
Now I can't do anything with my blog (review comments, change layout) except post, apparently, so that's what I'm doing. I'm way bored.
I need some new clothes. I've been wearing the same s@#t for two years! So where do I go? My options are Wal-Mart or Fashion Bug. Yay. I couldn't be more thrilled. Wal-Mart has a pretty sad selection. I always see the normal size ladies department has pretty sundresses and flowery tank tops, cute cut offs, strappy sandals...things like that. What do us bigger women get? "Oooo, Doris - check out that moo moo! That's a nice daisy pattern, isn't it? Ooo, and look at that one with the geometric shapes! This one has horizontal stripes - I hear they're in this season! Oh, and look! They even have color coordinated orthopedic sneakers! Look over there - they're running a special on knee-highs!"
And what's up with Fashion Bug, anyway? There are two doors - one up front for the juniors/sizes 0-14. Sizes 16+: there's big letters on the right side of the building that say: "Fashion Bug PLUS" with an arrow pointing around the corner to the back of the building for that door, which I'm assuming is the service entrance. Thanks for keeping it discreet, FB. Like I can fake it anyway. Why do they have to segregate us? It's like a racist thing or something. I guess they don't want the smaller chics mingling in with us and going, "Ewww! What is she doing here??"
And bras - forget it. That's so embarrassing when you find your size and realize it might be confused with a large purse. And they ususally come in two colors - white or ivory. Then the clothes racks are so close together. You have to turn sideways and sashay through everything. Meanwhile, you're knocking clothes off the racks and bumping into things when you bend over to clean up your mess. Then the little 90-lb. cashier comes running over and goes, "Do you, like, need help or something?" So I stand up and end up bumping her back a few feet; she lands on her ass and I have to pick her up, poor thing. Now I have to apologize, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you. No, really, here - I'm stronger - I'll pick the rack up. Yes, and I'll hang all the clothes back up on it, too. Oh, you have a customer at your register. And will you tell that girl that thing is not a hangbag? What's the cup size on it? If it's a triple G, hang on to it for me!"
*sigh* I hate being fat. Everyone's always like, "No, you are NOT fat! Don't say that." Ok, I'm not. I just have big boobs, big arms, big legs, and a belly. But my neck is in shape, you know...so that's a good thing...
Now I can't do anything with my blog (review comments, change layout) except post, apparently, so that's what I'm doing. I'm way bored.
I need some new clothes. I've been wearing the same s@#t for two years! So where do I go? My options are Wal-Mart or Fashion Bug. Yay. I couldn't be more thrilled. Wal-Mart has a pretty sad selection. I always see the normal size ladies department has pretty sundresses and flowery tank tops, cute cut offs, strappy sandals...things like that. What do us bigger women get? "Oooo, Doris - check out that moo moo! That's a nice daisy pattern, isn't it? Ooo, and look at that one with the geometric shapes! This one has horizontal stripes - I hear they're in this season! Oh, and look! They even have color coordinated orthopedic sneakers! Look over there - they're running a special on knee-highs!"
And what's up with Fashion Bug, anyway? There are two doors - one up front for the juniors/sizes 0-14. Sizes 16+: there's big letters on the right side of the building that say: "Fashion Bug PLUS" with an arrow pointing around the corner to the back of the building for that door, which I'm assuming is the service entrance. Thanks for keeping it discreet, FB. Like I can fake it anyway. Why do they have to segregate us? It's like a racist thing or something. I guess they don't want the smaller chics mingling in with us and going, "Ewww! What is she doing here??"
And bras - forget it. That's so embarrassing when you find your size and realize it might be confused with a large purse. And they ususally come in two colors - white or ivory. Then the clothes racks are so close together. You have to turn sideways and sashay through everything. Meanwhile, you're knocking clothes off the racks and bumping into things when you bend over to clean up your mess. Then the little 90-lb. cashier comes running over and goes, "Do you, like, need help or something?" So I stand up and end up bumping her back a few feet; she lands on her ass and I have to pick her up, poor thing. Now I have to apologize, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you. No, really, here - I'm stronger - I'll pick the rack up. Yes, and I'll hang all the clothes back up on it, too. Oh, you have a customer at your register. And will you tell that girl that thing is not a hangbag? What's the cup size on it? If it's a triple G, hang on to it for me!"
*sigh* I hate being fat. Everyone's always like, "No, you are NOT fat! Don't say that." Ok, I'm not. I just have big boobs, big arms, big legs, and a belly. But my neck is in shape, you know...so that's a good thing...
Friday, March 7, 2008
Mommy Itinerary
Here is a glimpse into a typical day at my house. Enjoy!
4:30am: Wake-up to alarm; roll over and hit snooze button.
4:39am: Wake-up to alarm again – hit snooze; roll over and gently shake hubby, Charlie.
4:48am: Alarm goes off for last time – shove Charlie out of bed; pull covers over shoulder and go back to sleep.
5:01am: Wake up to sound of baby (Aiden) babbling – drag self out of bed; go to kitchen and warm bottle.
5:03am: Sneak into bathroom while Charlie is showering – pee pee on the potty (excuse the potty training language). Forget the shower is on and flush (oops!). Go to Aiden’s room; change diaper.
5:10am: Feed Aiden while snuggled under handmade fleece blanket (courtesy of Aunt Kathy); try not to doze off.
5:40am: Kiss Charlie good-bye as he leaves for work. Swaddle Aiden and stick him back in his crib.
6:00am: Morning workout with dance instructor, Jennifer Galardi (courtesy of 10 Minute Solutions DVD). Do all five sessions.
7:00am: Guzzle water and head to bathroom for long, hot, infusing shower.
7:01am: Both kids are up. Towel off instead, get dressed, and opt for shower at naptime. Changer diapers, give belly zerberts, and get kids dressed.
7:30am: Breakfast for 18 month old (Gabriella) and self – oatmeal, half an apple, and milk (coffee for me). Gabriella and Aiden are happily observing the “Higglytown Heros.” Chow down and vacuum while kids are occupied. Give Aiden some tummy time when finished. He looks like he’s ready to take off and crawl!)
8:03am: Call pharmacy and refill prescription. Call and schedule doctor appointment for self. Review emails and blog comments.
8:15am: Clean up gooey oatmeal mess from Gabriella’s face, hands, and tray. Everyone settles into playtime with blocks and stuffed animals.
9:00am: Mealtime for Aiden with attempt at rice cereal (a success), followed by poopie diaper change. Pop in CD with variety of energizing tunes; let Gabriella dance next to me in kitchen while I give Aiden a bath in his infant tub.
10:00am: Aiden fussing – where’s binky? Find and take it out of Gabriella’s mouth – put in dishwasher. Aiden dozes in his rocking chair. Take Gabriella to potty – nothing. Mop up water on kitchen floor from bath time. Take advantage of Gabriella playing and Aiden napping – mop ALL of kitchen floor.
10:15am: Gabriella announces she’s gone potty (“I pee pee ‘gain.”) – change poopie diaper. Snack time: slice of homemade bread with peanut butter.
10:40am: Toys everywhere. Read same three Winnie the Pooh books over and over and over again. Decide enough is enough and break out the bubbles; a little “outdoor” fun always welcome when cooped up inside during long winter months.
11:45am: Time for Gabriella’s lunch – PBJ, cheese cubes, and handful of grapes. Answer text messages from earlier that morning; run to bathroom to pee pee on potty. Come back to kitchen – feed dogs.
12:05pm: “I pee pee ‘gain.” Try to grab Gabriella’s hand to take her to potty – runs away screaming, “No-no-no!” Take her to potty anyway – too late.
12:12pm: Fresh diaper and naptime for Gabriella. Aiden starts fussing for his lunch.
12:40pm: Fresh diaper and naptime for Aiden. Let dogs out; clean up books and toys. Mommy starts fussing for her lunch.
1:00pm: Call to check on remodel plans for bathroom. Clean fish bowl; start dishwasher. Fix another cup of coffee. Start folding laundry.
1:40pm: Knock at door (electrical inspector) – wakes Gabriella; starts screaming. Go and try to console her – she’s not having it. “Mommy, please! Mommy, please!” Bring her back to living room with me, equipped with blankie, teddy bear, binky, and kleenex. (So much for that hot shower…)
2:30pm: Aiden wakes up – fresh diaper and mealtime. Gabriella is jealous that he is getting my attention. Tantrum inevitable.
3:15pm: Toys everywhere…again. Aiden settled into jumper in doorway between kitchen and living room. Unload dishwasher and decide to get a head start on dinner. (Only 45 minutes until Daddy gets home!)
4:00pm: Daddy’s home! Dogs run to back door, barking; Gabriella follows suit. Aiden’s happy coos turn to irritated fussies because of the noise. Try to look in-control as I lift Gabriella out of tangle of dogs and rock Aiden (who’s back in his chair) with my foot, all the while attempting an attractive smile and kiss hello to Charlie.
4:20pm: Listen to Charlie talk about his day while fixing dinner and formula. Unlace Gabriella’s fingers from my leg. She opens cupboard and starts looking for her animal “ca-cas” (crackers). I happily oblige.
5:30pm: Dinner for everyone (including dogs and goldfish).
6:15pm: Clean up from dinner while Daddy goes on diaper patrol. Time for Gabriella’s bath.
7:04pm: Dry Gabriella’s hair; dress in pajamas. Finish cleaning up in bathroom. Storytime.
7:50pm: Gabriella helps Mommy and Daddy put toys and books away. Aiden is fighting sleep – where’s binky? Find it hidden in amongst toys – toss it in the dishwasher and get him a new one.
8:00pm: Gabriella brushes her teeth, picks out a stuffed toy to sleep with, says prayers; lights out.
8:21pm: Gabriella still up – wants Daddy to get her another stuffed toy. Back to bed.
8:23pm: Aiden still fighting sleep – warm him up a bottle. Meanwhile, Charlie’s in a flirtatious mood. (“Early to bed tonight?” *wink*wink*)
9:10pm: Daddy changes Aiden’s diaper and puts him to bed while I take long awaited shower.
9:36pm: Charlie’s turn to shower.
9:50pm: Snuggle on couch and watch “American Choppers” – indulge in a dish of sugar free Moose Tracks ice cream.
10:42pm: Bedtime for Mommy and Daddy. Brush teeth; check on kids. Gabriella laying on top of covers. Wakes up when I try to pull them out from under her. Hug and console; back to bed. Double check alarm clock and baby monitor.
10:44pm: Charlie says he's chilly - checks pellet stove. Tosses another blanket on top of us.
10:57pm: Snuggle head on Charlie’s chest. He’s already snoring. Wake him up for good night kiss (so much for early to bed tonight!).
11:00pm: Drift off to sleep until 4:30 next morning…if not sooner…
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Happy Birthday, Moms!!!
Happy birthday to my Moms! Hope you have a great day! We miss you lots and hope you are enjoying the sunshine and nice weather in Myrtle Beach. You don't look a day over 29! (I hope I inherited those genes!!!)
I am awaiting an "inevitable" power outage today. Supposedly, we are getting the same ice storm that left many without power in Ohio yesterday evening. The trees are donning a thick coating of ice, and more freezing rain is falling. Whatever bare ground from Monday's thaw was showing is now covered in a blanket of frigid slick. I'm so glad I don't have to be out on the road today. Poor Charlie - I hate that he has to drive in this. The power lines don't look too bad, so maybe this sleet won't accummulate too much or get heavy enough to do any damage. We have a kerosene heater that we borrowed from Charlie's sister last year if we do lose power, but that doesn't provide as much comfort as the pellet stove or even the furnace. Hopefully it won't get too bad out there.
Well, I'm off to shop vac my house again. Only one and a half weeks until our vacuum cleaner parts arrive. But I'm telling you, I may just stick with the shop vac. That 1.5 horse really does an outstanding job. I must say, I'm impressed!
I am awaiting an "inevitable" power outage today. Supposedly, we are getting the same ice storm that left many without power in Ohio yesterday evening. The trees are donning a thick coating of ice, and more freezing rain is falling. Whatever bare ground from Monday's thaw was showing is now covered in a blanket of frigid slick. I'm so glad I don't have to be out on the road today. Poor Charlie - I hate that he has to drive in this. The power lines don't look too bad, so maybe this sleet won't accummulate too much or get heavy enough to do any damage. We have a kerosene heater that we borrowed from Charlie's sister last year if we do lose power, but that doesn't provide as much comfort as the pellet stove or even the furnace. Hopefully it won't get too bad out there.
Well, I'm off to shop vac my house again. Only one and a half weeks until our vacuum cleaner parts arrive. But I'm telling you, I may just stick with the shop vac. That 1.5 horse really does an outstanding job. I must say, I'm impressed!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Prima Ballerina
So I bought this workout video called '10 Minute Solutions - Dance It Off & Tone It Up' by Jennifer Galardi. "Perfect!" I thought. "Who doesn't have at least 10 minutes everyday to dedicate to working out? I at least have that. And I took dance lessons, so it will be easy." I have been doing 3 of the 10 minute sessions at least 2-3 times per week, coupled with my time on the X-Flex. But I find myself at a loss for words when I am trying to watch Jennifer's routine and mimic it at the same time... I HAVE LOST MY COORDINATION!!!! How can this possibly be?? I took dance class for 6 years! Ok, I know that's not nearly as long as my sister, LeAnne, took it (at least double my time), but I was pretty decent. I got moved up after my first year and never, ever had a problem keeping up and getting the routine down to perfection. I loved it so much, and (I hope) it showed. I quit after my 10th grade year so that I could work. Could I have done both? Probably, but that's besides the point.
I remember one of the girls that was in LeAnne's class. Sweet kid...kinda frumpy...and when she danced...oh my. Her hands and arms and head and legs went in completely different directions. Yes, sometimes they're supposed to when you dance, but not like this. I think she had water balloon legs and crepe paper arms that flapped wildly in the breeze. Everything just went... everywhere! This is what I look like when I do parts of this workout!!! (Have any of you seen that video by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, "Gone, Gone, Gone"? It's like becoming one of those big balloon things in the background! Check it out on You Tube to see what I mean.) But this girl in LeAnne's class always seemed to step it up for the recital. Maybe I am trying too hard, or maybe I really have lost my coordination. I don't know. I keep trying, and one of these days, I'll get it down for the "recital."
In the meantime, we're all trucking along here. Charlie has been working overtime, including Saturday mornings. The weather has been insanely inconsistent. It was 60+ degrees yesterday, and the sun was so hot. I ended up having to shut the pellet stove off when I noticed Aiden was sweating after his nap and our thermostat said 74 degrees! Gabby didn't care - she adapts to all climates. And speaking of the little honor student, she has been saying a new word almost everyday. Yesterday she said a new, complete sentence: "Geese on the pond, Daddy." Oh yeah - no exaggeration. But it was more in the form of a question, I think, seeing as she had her hand out to the side like she does when she asks where someone or something went. This kid amazes me. And I didn't know that children aren't supposed to be able to bend over at the waist and pick something up until they're 2+ years. I read that in a book that we have called "The First Five Years." No - they're supposed to squat down to pick things up at this age. Huh? She's been bending over since shortly after she started walking! Why? Because she has balance and C-O-O-R-D-I-N-A-T-I-O-N!!! Maybe that's where mine went - it transferred over to her in the womb! LOL
Have a spectacular day, everyone!
I remember one of the girls that was in LeAnne's class. Sweet kid...kinda frumpy...and when she danced...oh my. Her hands and arms and head and legs went in completely different directions. Yes, sometimes they're supposed to when you dance, but not like this. I think she had water balloon legs and crepe paper arms that flapped wildly in the breeze. Everything just went... everywhere! This is what I look like when I do parts of this workout!!! (Have any of you seen that video by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, "Gone, Gone, Gone"? It's like becoming one of those big balloon things in the background! Check it out on You Tube to see what I mean.) But this girl in LeAnne's class always seemed to step it up for the recital. Maybe I am trying too hard, or maybe I really have lost my coordination. I don't know. I keep trying, and one of these days, I'll get it down for the "recital."
In the meantime, we're all trucking along here. Charlie has been working overtime, including Saturday mornings. The weather has been insanely inconsistent. It was 60+ degrees yesterday, and the sun was so hot. I ended up having to shut the pellet stove off when I noticed Aiden was sweating after his nap and our thermostat said 74 degrees! Gabby didn't care - she adapts to all climates. And speaking of the little honor student, she has been saying a new word almost everyday. Yesterday she said a new, complete sentence: "Geese on the pond, Daddy." Oh yeah - no exaggeration. But it was more in the form of a question, I think, seeing as she had her hand out to the side like she does when she asks where someone or something went. This kid amazes me. And I didn't know that children aren't supposed to be able to bend over at the waist and pick something up until they're 2+ years. I read that in a book that we have called "The First Five Years." No - they're supposed to squat down to pick things up at this age. Huh? She's been bending over since shortly after she started walking! Why? Because she has balance and C-O-O-R-D-I-N-A-T-I-O-N!!! Maybe that's where mine went - it transferred over to her in the womb! LOL
Have a spectacular day, everyone!
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